19.2.06

an open letter to my husband

D

ear Eric:

Today is the one-year anniversary of the diagnosis of your relapse. I face this grim reminder with many conflicting emotions: the carefree beach-bumming of our first ten months of marriage lies in starkest contrast with everything that happened after that fateful day. Sometimes, it seems like a day spent without discussing doctors, prescriptions, or treatment is so far away that it must only exist in my distant memory. The rituals of maintaining the medicine cabinet and driving to various clinics have replaced the lazy mornings of pancakes and pajamas until noon. Although you have survived 80+ spinal taps, 10 months of different forms of chemo, and a bone marrow transplant methodology (non-matched donor) that has only been in use for four years, I know that your biggest concern is the effect that leukemia will have on your family's future. You worry about the financial impact of not being to work on top of the added expense of doctor's copays. The fact that we had to relocate for your treatment has weighed heavy on your mind. Even though you had hidden behind the "kids are annoying and expensive" guise, I know that you were heartbroken when we found out that we would not have the option of making a small, perfect human being together.

You once asked me if I would do it all again. In spite of everything, dear, the answer is yes; because all of it happened with YOU. You are greater than the sum of your parts. The love in your heart far outweighed the effects of your faulty bone marrow; the beauty of your soul shone through even when you were bald and bloated from the chemotherapy. I used to think that strength was being independent and influential to others; you have taught me that this quality instead is a result of the kindness that one shows to their fellow beings. You have shown me that bravery is being fearless in the face of the most unlikely of odds. Eric, you are greater than any disease that could be thrown our way. You WILL beat this.

I love you and can't wait to see what the next year brings in our life together.

Yours,
Amanda

posted by amanda @ 6:45 PM

17 Comments:

At 2/19/2006 11:39:00 AM, Anonymous Aging Fabulous said...

Did anyone ever tell you that you are amazing. I'm sending hugs and the best wishes for the both of you that I can make.

:)

 
At 2/19/2006 11:41:00 AM, Blogger Yaeli said...

What a lovely letter. You and you husband sound like strong individuals, but an even stronger couple.
I wish you both success with your husbands treatments and hope that good health returns to him soon.

Michele sent me.

 
At 2/19/2006 11:50:00 AM, Blogger The Mistress of the Dark said...

It wonderful to see that loves like yours exist.

Many hugs and prayers coming your way for you and your hubby.

Here via Michele's

 
At 2/19/2006 11:50:00 AM, Blogger Carmi said...

You are both incredible, caring people. We can all become better by heeding your words.

 
At 2/19/2006 12:25:00 PM, Blogger Jackie said...

:)

Best of luck for the next of many years to come!

 
At 2/19/2006 01:37:00 PM, Blogger Marisa said...

That was simply beautiful.

I wish you many years of health & happiness.

 
At 2/19/2006 03:05:00 PM, Blogger Malinda777 said...

Love like yours is an envy to many. I will keep you in my prayers. He's lucky to have you, your love for him warms my day & my heart. I shall go give my hubby a hug now and remind myself once again how lucky we are.

Here from Michele

 
At 2/19/2006 08:43:00 PM, Anonymous debutaunt said...

I read that letter and it hits so close to home. I think you and Eric have learned things that only couples who have been married decades know - what truly is important and what solidifies your love.

While I don't always write back, I thank you so much for your insight and support. I wish you both many many years of health and happiness. You both deserve it!

Much love,
Debs

 
At 2/20/2006 03:21:00 AM, Blogger Viamarie said...

What a touching statement of commitment and heartwarming pledge of love. That really brought tears to my eyes. it also serves as wake up call for us married couples.

Btw, I was reading Michele's post when I ran into your blog and I'm not regretting it.

My prayers to both of you.

 
At 2/20/2006 09:03:00 PM, Blogger Minerva said...

Oh Amanda...

I have tears in my eyes as I read this..the sheer beauty and love that shines out from every word and the wonderful heart felt acceptance of all you have had to go through...

What an amazing post...

Minerva

 
At 2/21/2006 04:44:00 PM, Blogger magnetbabe said...

beautiful.

 
At 2/23/2006 01:56:00 PM, Blogger annie said...

That's one of the best love letters I've ever seen.

 
At 3/03/2006 05:35:00 PM, Blogger Matt said...

Thans you for sharing a sterling example of love, appreciation and gratitude. We all need to say this to our sweethearts, even if we are not currently facing a life altering experience.

Thanks Again
Romantic Tips for Married Couples

 
At 3/23/2006 08:46:00 PM, Anonymous Tanilan said...

My husband and I have also been married for almost two years (July 2004). As I read your letter, I smiled because that is what true love is. I wish only strength and love for you both; and keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

 
At 3/25/2006 04:39:00 PM, Blogger NursePam said...

What a lovely tribute to your husband and to your marriage. May the angels bless and keep you both.

 
At 8/24/2006 04:49:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i read your letter and i'am amazed;)don't loose hope.I believe that God will sent his pretty and powerful angels,not that to late but very soon ok!
pray to GOD owez...
i will pray for you..
have faith in him..

 
At 8/24/2006 04:50:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i read your letter and i'am amazed;)don't loose hope.I believe that God will sent his pretty and powerful angels,not that to late but very soon ok!
pray to GOD owez...
i will pray for you..
have faith in him..

 

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