11th hour reprieve
september 7th was an eventful day at johns hopkins, filled with legal paperwork and hygiene classes (yes, we had to learn how to clean hubby's surgery sites and body to prevent incidental infections). at the end of the day, we found out that the transplant had been pushed back 4 days.chose not to go back to work because 1) all of the junk paperwork for the family medical leave act had already been submitted, and it might take an act of congress to change it now; 2) my gram was in the hospital this week for her second knee replacement; and 3) my coworkers don't seem to know the difference between a bone marrow transplant and a cold. so we drove to pa to visit with family one last time.
it was in pennsylvania that i realized that i am the most vicious green-eyed monster in the whole world. i got tired of assisting my gram at the hospital because i am quite tired of being around sick people in hospitals. i got mad about the article in our hometown newspaper (see here) because hubby put a special thank-you in for his brother, the donor, while i only got mentioned as the wife. got pissy at a family dinner because hubby and brother were toasted by the family and not me. the transplant has not even started yet and i have already been transformed into a rather putrid example of a human being.
tried to explain to hubby why i felt the way i did, but the reasons seemed even more petty and ridiculous as they became audible. the donor (hubby's brother) has an important role but he is only there for three days and then gets to resume life as normal. so far, here's my tally (not like i'm trying to keep score or anything):
1) moved 5000 miles from friends and a job and area that i loved to a new job and area that are less than stellar so hubby could be treated at johns hopkins;
2) fought with new boss and turned in stacks of paperwork so that i can take all of my leave (6 weeks saved up) to take care of hubby;
3) keeping the job that is less than stellar so that i can provide money and health insurance to hubby;
4) balancing work and caregiving for hubby for at least 2 months (this was the only way that my new boss would agree to give me the time off without comment).
i'm not looking for a medal or anything, but i wish that someone would ask how i'm doing instead of how hubby is doing. also, i wish that i had people to go out with here in our new town and talk about things other than the cancer treatment.
i am the most jealous person alive.
posted by amanda @ 11:07 PM
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